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Rosalie Judd: Using Softball to Turn Loss Into Advocacy
Content Note
This story discusses bipolar II, suicidal ideation, self-harm, suicide, and suicide loss. Please read with care and take space if you need it.
At Breaking Barriers, we believe athlete stories deserve to be heard in their own words. Rosalie Judd is a pitcher and president of Montclair Club Softball, a mental health advocate, and the founder of Project Seams. Her story speaks to the mental health struggles that can exist behind an athlete’s performance, the devastating impact of suicide loss, and her decision to use softball as a platform for awareness and advocacy.
Rosalie’s Story
Hi, my name is Rosalie Judd and I’m a pitcher on the NCSA Division II Montclair Club Softball Team and this is my story.
I am both an athlete and an advocate while dealing with mental health issues. I have bipolar II, which is a more depression heavy version of bipolar disorder. Bipolar II also comes with something that not every struggles with. And that’s suicidial ideation.
Suicidal ideation is the feeling of wanting to die. It's a complicated feeling. Wanting to die doesn't always mean you have the intent to. Really, what people want when they’re suicidal is just for the pain to stop.
I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation since the age of 11. I was an elementary schooler struggling with thoughts that felt too big for me to handle. I spent years hiding my mental health from my friends, putting up a mask and pretending everything was ok. As I got older, I struggled to cope and turned to self harm. I thought that by putting the pain on my skin, I could take the pain from my mind.
During the end of my junior year I was at my lowest point. But that summer, I met Jordan. Jordan was my teammate, my catcher, and quickly became my best friend. We bonded over our struggles with depression and suicidal ideation. In our friendship, I found hope in a time when I was struggling to survive. Jordan helped me get out of a really difficult depressive episode. But, while I was getting better, Jordan’s mental health progressively got worse.
After our season, she began to struggle. I quickly noticed changes in her behavior and stepped in. I talked to her every day, made her get rid of anything she could use to harm herself, and encouraged her to eat. I listened to her struggles and tried to make her laugh. When Jordan’s mental health became worse, I encouraged her to get medical help.
After weeks of pleading, she finally agreed. I called her every day she was in the psych ward, but when she got out, she went quiet. She didn’t respond to help. She didn’t want help. And that was when I knew I had lost her. I still kept trying. I didn’t want to lose my friend. But in the end, I missed her last call, and she was gone. I couldn’t save her.
Jordan died by suicide on November 5th of 2023. Losing Jordan made me feel helpless, but I promised her to keep fighting my own mental health battle for her. Her death was my wake up call. After her passing, I wanted to find a way to spread suicide awareness. That's when I started Project Seams.
Project Seams is a fundraiser that spreads suicide awareness through the sport Jordan loved, softball. To spread awareness, I raise money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention by selling t-shirts. These shirts are then worn in tribute games in honor of Jordan’s memory.
In the past three years, I’ve been able to run this fundraiser twice and have raised a total of $585 for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I created this fundraiser to raise money to provide resources to save lives, destigmatize mental health, and support suicide awareness.
In being a mental health advocate in sports, I want to give other people hope and bring awareness to the struggles athletes face that you may not see. I want to inspire people to keep fighting their battle, even when it’s hard.
Mental health is a never ending journey, but there are resources to support you through it. With the help of my family, my friends, my coaches, mental health professionals, and support groups, I will be 1 year self harm free this July, and 3 years sober from cutting in September.
I advocate for the lives we’ve lost too soon, for the little me who struggled with what no little kid should have to face, for my angel Jordan, and for everyone who may be struggling. If I can make a difference for even one person, then it’s worth all I dedicate to this cause.
Breaking the Silence Through Sport
Rosalie’s story reflects why athlete voices are at the heart of Breaking Barriers. Mental health struggles do not disappear when an athlete steps onto a field, court, track, or playing surface. Sometimes the person competing, leading a team, and showing up for everyone else is carrying something others cannot see.
Breaking Barriers exists to create space for those stories, build mental health literacy across athletic communities, and challenge the culture that teaches athletes to struggle silently. Our mission is grounded in EXPRESS, EDUCATE, and COMBAT: amplifying athlete voices, equipping communities with education and resources, and confronting the narratives that keep mental health stigmatized in sport.
Through Project Seams, Rosalie is creating that space within softball and continuing Jordan’s memory through advocacy, awareness, and action.
Follow Rosalie: @rosalie_juddd_
Follow Project Seams: @_projectseams
If You or Someone You Know Is Struggling
You do not have to handle suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis alone. If you are in the United States or Canada, call or text 988 to reach crisis support. If there is immediate danger, contact emergency services in your area.
Breaking Barriers believes mental health deserves the same care, attention, and resources as physical health, and that athletes should have spaces where they can speak openly and seek support without shame.
Breaking Barriers
Reimagining Mental Health in Sport
@breakingbarriers
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